Monday, November 10, 2008

It isnt me

If you have noticed this glazed over look in my eyes lately. It is because I have been thinking. (thinking is not one of my strong points.) I just dont know how my life is going to end up. I hate thinking that one day Im going to marry the man of my dreams and live happily ever after, but I dont think life works out that way. Look at my parents, accidental child divorced a year later but still happyily together (life partners they call it) But there are others that are married for 10 years or so and they are divorced. How does this happen? I need to know that a couple can be together forever. Yes there are going to be differences, but how do you surpass that? How do you just get over differences. I, I wish I understood. I know I have a marine, and I L word him, I wouldnt be waiting if I didnt. But what if we grow apart... I cant stop thinking about all these silly little things. I need something to focus on so I can just stop worring. I cannot wait to start school again. I bet you it will be great to be back in school. I just wish I could have afforded it while I was moved out. I am just having one of those moments on ... where is my life going and what if it doesnt go how I wish it to go? Seriously who knows what is GOING to happen, but I want there to be some security in my choices for the rest of my life. I have no control right now and it is kinda freaking me out. I need some security and happiness. I want my mom.

It isnt me by The Color Fred
The color fred started with one of the guitarists from taking back sunday. They're a pretty cool band and you should check them out. It isnt me to be like all wierd and wondering about the future, I usually live day to day, but I have this fairy tale thing that I think about for the future then I realize I have no control over what will happen. It isnt me.

1 comment:

Abbie said...

I think it's something you've got to work at, day by day. And don't worry Heather, it seems like a lot of us are having these kinds of thoughts. Love ya friend!